The Saint: The Ex-King of Diamonds (1969)

Country: United Kingdom
Director: Alvin Rakoff
Starring: Roger Moore, Stuart Damon, Isla Blair, Ronald Radd, Carol Friday, Willoughby Goddard, Paul Faussino, Alan Rowe, Anthony Stamboulieh
Music: Edwin Astley
Based on characters created by Leslie Charteris

The Saint television series episodes were generally self contained, unlike the trend in current television series where a back story is played out over many episodes. In some instances this back story comes to the fore and these episodes are considered to be the core episodes. But there is none of this in The Saint. For an episode to become a core episode it must contain either a plot that is exceptionally well written, or a cast of guest actors who viewers are drawn to. However, The Ex-King of Diamonds is neither of these things, but I still believe it is one of the core episodes of the series. Its plot is serviceable, without being spectacular, and the guest stars, while being familiar faces, aren't really major drawcards either. What makes The Ex-King of Diamonds unique is that the crew behind this episode, producer Bob Baker, writer John Kruse, and even Roger Moore were trying something new. They could see that The Saint's run was coming to an end and were looking towards their next project - but more on that later. In the meantime,let's have a quick look at the plot and see if it reminds you of another popular ITC series.

The episode begins on the Cote d'Azur, at Nice airport, where two men have just arrived. One of them is Simon Templar, AKA The Saint (Roger Moore). The other is wealthy Texan millionaire, Rod Huston (Stuart Damon). They have both been invited, along with many other wealthy individuals, to the 'Hotel Magnificent' in Monte Carlo for the gaming season. Throughout the season, Boris, the ex-King of Slovania (Willoughby Goddard) is to be the banker at his own priate baccarat table, where he hopes to make enough money to finance a coup, which will see him regain his Kingship.

But first, Templar and Huston have to travel from Nice to Monte Carlo, and their chosen mode of transporation is the motor car. Huston heads off first, but is soon overtaken by Templar in his high-powered vintage saloon. Huston isn't pleased to be overtaken, and presses the pedal to the metal in an attempt to keep up, and possibly overtake Templar. This results in an egoccentric car chase, with each driver trying to prove who is the better man.

This one up-manship doesn't stop at just a car race either. Upon arrival in Nice, both men also vie for the attention of Janine Flambeau (Isla Blair) - although it must be said both men strike out with their initial advances. Then the boys engage in some crap shooting. It doesn't seem to matter what they do, these two seem to be at logger-heads with each other.

Then the card game begins. Watching in the wings is Janine, along with her father, Professor Henri Flambeau (Ronald Radd), who happens to be a brilliant mathematician and the author of 'Probability in Gambling'. As the game continues, Boris has an extra-ordinary run of luck. So much so, that Flambeau believes that Boris is cheating using marked cards. During a break in the game, Flambeau shares his theory with Templar.

The game continues. Meanwhile Flambeau decides to take his 'marked card' theory further, and with Janine in tow, he heads to the factory where the playing cards are manufactured. His investigation is curtailed quickly, when he is captured and Janine is clubbed from behind and rendered unconcious.

The card game is over for the evening. Boris has won a large amount of cash, much to the chagrin of Templar and Huston who adjorn to a patio outside. Here, Templar shares Flambeau's theory that Boris is using marked cards. Huston is furious that Templar didn't tell him earlier and a fist fight errupts. Huston wants a piece of Templar, and then once finished, he wants a piece of Boris too. But Templar manages to dissuade him with a well placed punch to the jaw.

To get to the bottom of Boris' scheme, Templar and Huston agree to team up. To learn more, they decide to track down Professor Flambeau - good thing to, because when they discover him, unconcious, he is being positioned in a crashed car, while Boris' goons pour petrol over the vehicle. Obviously they are planning to 'stage' an accident. Templar and Huston step in and fight off Boris' goons. The Professor is rescued, but where is Janine? It seems that the mystery is far from over.

So, does the story seem familiar to you? You have two head-strong dilettante playboys on the Cote d'Azur -one English, the other American - they both encounter each other on the road, where a car chase follows - then later get into a fist fight! It's The Persuaders! The Ex-King of Diamonds was a tryout for The Persuaders television series, and many of the elements in this episode found there way into the pilot for The Persuaders, Overture. Of course there are many differences too. Rod Huston is a slow talkin' Texan, whereas Tony Curtis as Danny Wilde, was a motor-mouth from the Bronx. But still, the dynamic is the same. First, an outward antagonism, that slowly builds to respect and then friendship.

The Ex-King of Diamonds is a must see episode for fans of Roger Moore's The Saint series and The Persuaders. It isn't as fast paced as some of The Saint episodes - primarily because it has to built up the relationship between Templar and Huston, but time never seems to drag. The characters are good and bounce off each other well. The story itself, seems derivative of quite a few familiar (to spy fans) stories. The first is, obviously, Casino Royale. We have a villain who needs to make a lot of cash (to repay a debt) quickly by playing cards. The card marking could come from the film Kaleidoscope, with Warren Beatty, or even bears more than a passing resemblance to the season one, Mission Impossible episode, Odds on Evil. What I am saying here, is that the plot, even in 1969, had been used quite substantially by spy shows - but that doesn't really matter. It's what's playing out over the top with Templar and Huston that is important, and here the buddy formula that was to prove so successful (in my eyes at least) in The Persuaders was given its first tryout -and for me that is a joy to watch.

The Saint Leads the Dance (1960)

AKA: Dance of Death
Country: France / Italy
Director: Jacques Nahum
Starring: Felix Marten, Jean Desailly, Michele Mercier, Francoise Brion, Nicole Mirel
Music: Paul Durand
Based on an idea by Leslie Charteris

I am guessing that Paramount did not have the rights to The Saint character in the United States, and when they released this French import (as Dance of Death), all the Saintly accoutrements had to be removed. Even the character’s name is no longer Simon Templar, but Stuart Thomson – and he is no longer a criminal. Instead he is a ‘world famous private detective’. These changes, as small as they may seem, change the whole tone of the film.

As the film begins, on the streets of Boston, the police are chasing notorious gangster ‘Smokey Johnny’. Trying to evade capture he rushes up to the nearest car on the curb and tries to force his way in. The car happens to belong to millionaire Freddy Pellman (Jean Desailly), who is forced back inside. As the police open fire on ‘Smokey’, during the distraction, Pellman produces a golf club and strikes the gangster who is then forced back onto the streets, making him an easier target for the police to pick off. ‘Smokey’ is shot down, and Pellman is applauded for being a hero.
One year later, now living in Paris, Pellman receives a death threat in the mail. Associates of ‘Smokey Johnny’ have tracked him down and want revenge. Pellman refuses to go to the police, and instead hires the services of Stuart Thomson (Felix Marten) – ‘the world famous private detective’. Thomson doesn’t come cheap though, but Pellman is loaded and agrees to Thomson’s exorbitant fee.
The men head back to Pellman’s estate, which is huge –- after all he is a millionaire. There, Thomson is introduced to a coterie of suspicious characters – the chauffeur, the butler, and the cook all have mysterious pasts. Added to this, it appears that Pellman is a bit of a womaniser and has three personal secretaries working for him, Gina (Nicole Mirel), Danny (Michel Mercier), and Nora (Francoise Brion). As you can imagine, any film scenario that sets up three beautiful women working for the same boss, there is going to be some ‘catty’ conflict, and this film doesn’t let you down on that score. The antagonism goes up a notch once Thomson enters the scene.
On Thomson’s first night on the job, Pellman takes his girls, and Thomson tagging along for protection, to a swank nightclub. Here, some associates of the late ‘Smokey Johnny’ attack Pellman, luckily Thomson steps in and gives the goons a good thrashing.

Later that night, back at the estate, someone breaks in, and makes another attempt on Pellman’s life, only they went to the wrong room, and the knife meant for Pellman ended up embedded in the wooden bedhead where Gina was sleeping. With Pellman’s estate, so well guarded and Thomson on the job, it now seems like there is an insider working with Smokey’s associates, and it is now up to Thomson to work out who?


This review is actually based on the US Dance of Death version of the film, and as such, with the film altering of the Saint-like character to be a detective, I’d be very curious to see the French original, where I am sure the Saint’s motivation would be rather different. Still, Dance of Death is a passable time killer with enough twists and turns (and red herrings) to satisfy most mystery fans.
Thanks to Tanner at the Double-O-Section for help with this review.

The Saint: Wrong Number (1989)

Director: Marijan David Vajda
Starring: Simon Dutton, Vince Edwards, Günther Maria Halmer, Arielle Dombasle, Gérard Hérold, Christoph M. Ohrt, Manfred Lehmann, Donald Arthur, Alexandra Kazan
Music: Günther Fischer
Based on characters created by Leslie Charteris

Now this is more like it! So far I haven't been too impressed with this six tele-movie Saint series. I liked The Brazilian Connection for the rapport between The Saint (Simon Dutton) and Inspector Teal (David Ryall), but the others have been pretty limp. However, Wrong Number is a good one and it is a legitimate spy story to boot.

This episode is set in Berlin in the summer of 1989, just months before the Berlin Wall came down. And in that way, this show is a fascinating time capsule. There is still East and West Berlin, and a small amount of Cold War tension, but really you can tell the stern opposition between the two sides has thawed. Although the 'wall' is a prominent part of the story -- it acts more as a landmark than a barrier. In fact, there seems to be very little difficulty for Simon Templar to travel from East to West. In fact, that's how the episode begins, with Templar crossing at a check-point into the American sector.

From there he drives to the Hotel Intercontinental and checks into his usual suite - room 432. Before Templar has even had a chance to unpack the phone rings. The voice on the other end says, 'You're blown. Meet me at Conrads,' and then rings off. Templar is confused and rings down to reception to enquire about the call. The reception girl says that there was no call for him but a call for room 423 -- she obviously put the call through to the wrong room.

Templar's not the type to sit on his hands and he immediately goes to investigate room 423. When he gets there, he finds the door ajar, and the occupant of the room -- a Mr. Anton -- dead in his bath tub. Templar immediately calls the police.

Templar can't just leave it at that though. He has to dig deeper and makes his ways to Conrads, which just happens to be a coffee-shop / bar. There he sits, watching and waiting. When Templar begins puffing on a very distinctive white pipe, which happened to belong to Mr. Anton, and which Templar discretely removed from the hotel room, one of the patrons becomes visibly agitated and leaves the coffee shop. Templar follows and a good thing too, as two goons are waiting outside for the contact. They open fire. Templar steers the contact into his car and races off. The goons follow in hot pursuit. Soon, the two cars racing through the streets of Berlin catch the attention of the local police and they too join the pursuit.

The car chase grinds to a halt in a dead-end street. The goons crash and the driver is killed. The second goon manages to escape. Meanwhile the police have Templar and his contact bailed up -- that is until the contact, Otto Schmidt (Günther Maria Halmer) reveals himself to be an operative for an organisation called A.T.L.A.S. -- which stands for Anti-Terrorism Liaison Agency Service. The police release them.

Herr Schmidt takes Templar to meet the heads of A.T.L.A.S., where he is recruited -- or more correctly offers to assist them in their investigations. It appears that a known terrorist Peter Lang is at work in the area and he is in the midst of a major arms deal. Co-incidentally at this time, US General Donovan (Vince Edwards) is innitiating a program whereby US nuclear warheads are transported from West Berlin back to the United States for decommissioning.

Of course I can't really know how Simon Dutton felt about his stint as the Saint, but to my mind, he was in someways better off than some of the previous actors who played the character. Rather than being studio bound, Dutton got to travel all over the world to make this series -- France for The Blue Dulac, Australia for Fear in Fun Park and Germany for this installment, Wrong Number. But by the same token, Dutton didn't have the safety net of a Saintly seasoned and consistent crew working on each of the movies. Each country seemed to supply its own director, crew and supporting actors, which means the series is wildly uneven. But as I mentioned at the top, this is a good entry in the series -- possibly the best, and Dutton gives another likable performance.

Spy-spotters may recognise Vince Edwards as General Donovan. In the sixties, Edwards played super-agent Charles Hood in the polished but disappointing Hammerhead, based on the novel by James Mayo.

If I had to recommend just one of the Simon Dutton Saint series, this would be the one, and that is not just because it has a rather heavy espionage based plot. Wrong Number has the best story and best acting out of the six episodes as well, which makes it a clear winner. It is also interesting watching the last throes of the Cold War play out in their actual locations.

More Simon Dutton as The Saint
• The Brazillian Connection.
• The Software Murders.
• The Blue Dulac.
• Fear in Fun Park.

The Saint in Manhattan (1987)

Country: United States / United Kingdom
Director: James Frawley
Starring: Andrew Clarke, Kevin Tighe, Christopher Marcantel, George Rose, Holland Taylor, Caitlin Clarke, Ben Vereen
Music: Mark Snow
Based on characters created by Leslie Charteris

The Saint in Manhattan is a Saint for the Magnum PI generation. Actually, its probably a few years too late for Magnum, but this pilot episode for a proposed new series has the same smirk and high living like Magnum, and added to that, Clarke has a moustache of Tom Selleck proportions. Clarke cops a bit of flack for keeping the 'mo', but the Saint has had a moustache before. As always, though, in this day and age, any actor who takes on the role of the Saint is compared to Roger Moore, who was clean shaven. I must admit I like Andrew Clarke as an actor and he has been in some good productions – ANZACS springs to mind. But in the work I have seen he has always played a pretty down to earth Australian, so seeing him as a wealthy, womanising high roller, was a stretch for me. And maybe because I know him from his other work, I found his accent flittered between a fake Etonian and his natural Australian accent.

The show opens with a message sent from Special Branch, Scotland Yard to Inspector John Fernack of the New York Police advising him of the imminent arrival of Simon Templar (Andrew Clarke) in New York. Fernack rushes to the airport and watches as the passengers disembark from the Concorde that has just arrived from England. A stewardess walks up to Fernack and hands him a ticket folder, which he opens. Inside in Simon Templar’s calling card.

Meanwhile Templar is being chauffeured by helicopter to a heliport, where his car – with the number plate ST 1 – awaits him. It appears that times have changed, and Templar now drives a very sleek black Lamborghini, which he drives back to his palatial penthouse apartment in downtown Manhattan.

But soon Templar is bored and complaining of malaise to his butler, Woods (George Rose). His restlessness doesn’t last long with the arrival of a letter from an old flame, Margo. Margo also happens to be a world class ballerina. She is in New York to perform Sleeping Beauty, but she has been receiving strange threats. She requires a bodyguard and asks Templar to help out, which he gladly does.

As a promotional gimmick, during the opening night ballet performance, Margo is to wear the multi-million dollar ‘Empress of Austria’ diamond tiara, which belongs to two of the leading patrons of the ballet, Walter and Fran Grogan. After the show, Margo hands back the tiara only to discover it is a fake. As they search backstage, in the tiara’s original carry case there is a calling card – the Saint’s! So Templar is the prime suspect for the theft.

The Saint in Manhattan is essentially a formulaic whodunit, with the Saint investigating all the suspects in between sparring bouts with Inspector Fernack. The story itself may be nothing special, but the dialogue is pretty witty. It is a pity that Clarke doesn’t have the panache or charm to deliver the lines with the sly wink that they deserve.

As I mentioned at the top, The Saint in Manhattan was the pilot episode for a prospective series, but it would be my guess that the show didn’t generate the response and enthusiasm expected and no further episodes were made at the time. However the Saint would return two years later, but with Simon Dutton taking over as Simon Templar.

It’s interesting to compare the two. The Saint in Manhattan had pretty high production values, but was let down by Andrew Clarke’s performance. No maybe that’s unfair – let’s just say that Clarke was miscast in the role. Whereas the following Saint series, in Dutton they had a great Saint, but at times the series looked gritty where it should have looked glamorous and jet-setting. And some of the plots were just clunky, without any wit or panache.

I have probably made The Saint in Manhattan sound absolutely terrible. It is not, but it is what it is…one hour of network television. You can see the same formulaic storytelling in any mystery show of the same era (and probably many from today too).

A special 'thank you' to Tanner from the Double-O-Section for help with this review.

Return of the Saint: The Judas Game (1978)

Country: United Kingdom
Director: Jeremy Summers
Starring: Ian Ogilvy, Judy Geeson, Olga Karlatos, Maurice Roeves, Mona Bruce, Marino Mase’, Richard Wyler, Moray Watson
Music: John Scott
Brian Dee, Irving Martin
Based on characters created by Leslie Charteris

The Judas Game was the first broadcast episode of The Return of the Saint, and in many ways signified the direction the series was going to take. This ‘Saint’ lives in a complicated, political world, and while in many ways he is still a knight in shining armour, he is also a hardened professional – almost like a mercenary. In this episode Templar is coerced by M.I.6 into undertaking a dangerous mission. The white knight element is still there, because Templar has had a relationship with the girl he is sent to rescue, but also it is suggested that Templar is the best man for the job – which in fact suggests his skills are better than all of the agents on the M.I.6 payroll.

The Judas Game starts on a cliff-face and Simon Templar (Ian Ogilvy) is doing some mountaineering with his climbing partner, Algernon (Richard Wyler). As Algernon climbs ahead, and set the safety rope for Templar to climb on, he does not secure a piton correctly. Templar, applying his weight to the rope, nearly falls as the piton is pulled from the rock. Angry at Algernon’s life threatening incompetence, Templar chases Algernon up the mountain solo, without a safety rope. When he catches up with him on a ledge and demands an explanation, Algernon simply pulls out an identification card. He works for M.I.6 and the ‘mishap’ was a test to see if Templar had the skills for a particular mission. It seems he does.

The dual heads of M.I.6 are Buckingham (Moray Watson) and Dame Edith (Mona Bruce) and they want Templar to rescue one of their intelligence agents, Selma Morell (Judy Geeson) who was captured by the Albanian Secret police while she was holidaying in Yugoslavia. Morell is a specialist in counter-insurgency, and it is feared that if she breaks under torture, then armed with her knowledge, Albanian terrorists will start popping up all around the globe and committing acts of barbarism. It appears that she is now being held in an inpenetratable fortress, with a mountainous cliff face on one side. Templar’s climbing skills are required to free Morell.

One of the common plot devices in stories like this, where a free agent is called in to do work for the professionals, is that the outsider is used because there is a mole in the service and security has been compromised, and I am pleased to say that hoary old chestnut is used again here. From the moment Templar begins his mission, the whole Albanian army is on his tail – but not for one second does this seem like a problem for Templar. But this is not Rambo – Templar does not take on the army with a machine gun. Naturally he outwits them.

With the opening scenes of treachery on a mountain, the story bears more than a passing resemblance to The Eiger Sanction, and then now with the rescue from a mountain top fortress, the story passes into Alistair MacLean territory with nods to both Where Eagles Dare and The Guns of Navarone. But they are just ‘nods’, because after laying down that elaborate groundwork, highlighting Templar’s climbing skills, he actually penetrates the inpenetratable fortress in a food delivery van.

It’s bizarre seeing Judy Geeson in a role like Selma Morell. During the sixties, Geeson almost made a career out of playing ditzy blonde dolly birds in films like Hammerhead and To Sir With Love. Here she is required to play a tough, self-reliant and intelligent woman, and I must confess I found it hard to believe. In my mind, her screen persona is so intrinsically linked with the light dolly birds, that I could accept her in a serious role – but hey, that may be my baggage!

Eurospy fans may recognise Richard Wyler in the role of Algernon. Whyler had a brief stint as a leading man in the sixties with roles in FX-18 Superspy, Dick Smart 2.007 and Jess Franco’s The Seven Secrets of Sumuru. Here though, his role is little more than a silent, scouring henchman – for the good guys, no less.

The Judas Game is a pretty slick package, with some nice location footage filmed in Monte Argentario in Italy. The action sequences too, are expertly handled, with some quasi Bondian fireworks, where Templar opens the gate to the inpenetratable fortress with a bazooka. Yes, this episode would get low marks for realism, but would score high marks for adventure and fun. And that’s probably just the way it should be.

More Ian Ogilvy as The Saint
• The Debt Collectors.
• The Saint and the Brave Goose.

The Saint’s Double Trouble (1940)

Country: United States
Director: Jack Hively
Starring: George Sanders, Helene Whitney, Jonathan Hale, Bela Lugosi, Donald MacBride, John F. Hamilton, Thomas W. Ross, Elliot Sullivan
Musical Director: Roy Webb
Based on characters by Leslie Charteris

I am a sucker for the old serials from the thirties and forties, whether they are Bulldog Drummond, Mr Moto, Charlie Chan, Michael Shayne or The Saint, they just drag me in. Whereas some people just find them old and boring. Maybe I am wrong but I think a lot of these old programmers have more zip and spark than the comparable dross that is on television these days. This is especially true when you get an actor like George Sanders in the lead role. Sander’s exudes class, and that’s what makes a story such as this a joy to watch.

The film opens in Cairo, and a shady character, known only as ‘the partner’ delivers a coffin shaped crate to a shipping agent. Inside is the mummy of King Annanouk the third, and he is being sent by Simon Templar (George Sanders) to Professor Horatio T. Bitts (of the Keystone University) in Philadelphia, USA. It appears that the Saint had been promising to get the Professor a mummy for his research for years.

Later, in Philadelphia, the professor is delighted to receive the mummy, and soon after Templar pays a call. Unfortunately the Professor can’t chat, because he has a faculty meeting. That leaves Templar in the company of the Professor’s daughter, Anne, who is not to enthusiastic to have Templar as a house guest. She has heard the rumours about him being a thief and a bounder and simply doesn’t trust him. Templar takes his leave by a window and disappears into the night.

Meanwhile Philadelphia Chief of Detectives, John Bohlen (Donald MacBride) receives a visit from an old friend, Henry Fernack (Jonathan Hale), who just happens to be visiting the city on holidays. They are about to go out to dinner, when a call comes in about a dead body found in the Professor’s garden. Both men head off to investigate.

Next to the body, is the Saint’s calling card, and written on it is ‘Thus may all traitors die. S.T.’ As Fernack has knowledge of the Saint and his ways, he is asked to assist with the investigation and the apprehension of the Saint for murder.

Of course, Templar is not a murderer. Somebody is setting him up. I guess it’s not really a spoiler, as the title of the film is The Saint’s Double Trouble, but there is a underworld villain, referred to only as ‘The Boss’ who is a dead ringer for Simon Templar, and he also happens to be a part of an extensive diamond smuggling racket.

The Saint’s Double Trouble is the most complexly plotted of the Sander’s Saint series, and at the beginning as the story begins to play out, you’ll have to be patient, because all is not clear. Don’t worry; it will all make sense in the end. There’s some good plot twists here too. Another aspect of this film is that the famous Saint Theme (composed by Leslie Charteris) is put to good use too. All in all, The Saint’s Double Trouble is very enjoyable.

More George Sanders as The Saint
• The Saint in London.
• The Saint in Palm Springs.

Six Million Dollar Man: The Rescue of Athena One (1974)

Director: Lawrence Doheny
Starring: Lee Majors, Farrah Fawcett, Richard Anderson, Paul Kent, John S. Ragin
Music: Oliver Nelson

This is the next of my 'cleaning out the closet' reviews. It was written when Farrah Fawcett passed a way a few months ago. I never posted it because my review is pretty thin and I didn't think it was much of a tribute. Also, the particular episode I chose to review wasn't very espionage related. But here it is in all its convoluted glory.

This particular episode of The Six Million Dollar Man is not very spy like at all. If fact it probably owes more to the disaster films of the early '70s - and possibly is inspired by the explosion on Apollo 13 in 1970. So begs the question why review it when the bulk of The Six Million Dollar Man episodes are espionage based? There are two reasons. First is that the character Steve Austin was an astronaut, and if I am going to give a fair overview of the series I guess an example from the 'space' episodes should be included. The other reason, and possibly the more important of the two was that Lee Majors was married to Farrah Fawcett (this was before she took off as Jill in Charlie's Angels). As Major's wife, Farrah Fawcett appeared on The Six Million Dollar Man on four occasions. Her character in this episode, Major Kelly Wood would reappear in the season four episode Nightmare in the Sky. But this was her first appearance.

The epsiode opens in a space capsule flight simulator. Steve Austin has been assigned to train Major Kelly Wood, who is being groomed to be America's first female astronaut. Steve isn't happy about his assignment. He has been to the moon and knows how dangerous space travel can be.

After she has completed her training, Wood is launched into orbit in a spacecraft called Athena One - her mission to find new sources of energy. Steve remains on the ground as the flight director in the command centre. During the mission there is a small explosion of the port side. The co-pilot, Paul Osterman, is badly injured. In an effort to stabilise Osterman and repair the ship, Wood docks with Skylab, but she cannot get the hatch open. It appears that the explosion has jammed the door shut.

Steve hops on a back-up rocket and rendezvous at Skylab. Using his bionic strength he opens the hatch. It all seems pretty easy - that is until Steve's bionics start to malfunction due to the solar radiation.

This episode features plenty of archival NASA footage, which doesn't always match the studio footage. For example there is a scene where a NASA astronaut is wearing a red helmet, yet Steve Austin is wearing a white helmet. There are quite a few little inconsistencies like that.

The story is incredibly contrived, but it still manages to build up a modicum of tension - but really, was there ever a doubt that Steve would fail in his mission? Not likely!

Your Turn Darling (1963)

Country: France / Italy
Director: Bernard Boderie
Starring: Eddie Constantine, Christiane Minazzoli, Elga Andersen, Philippe Lemaire, Gaia Germani, Noel Roquevert, Colin Drake, Guy Delorme
Music: Paul Misraki

Your Turn Darling sure is one boozy adventure for Lemmy Caution (Eddie Constantine). As we meet Caution, he is disgruntled because he was called away from a bar at four in the morning where he had been judging a Miss Whiskey competition. Then when searching the crime scene, he doesn't look for clues, but hidden whiskey bottles -- he finds one in the underwear draw. Later, after being knocked out by a black jack, a doctor prescribes a bottle of whiskey for his headache. Then when searching a suspects home, he starts at the liquor cabinet. In case I haven't laboured the point enough, even when Caution is receiving a mission briefing from the head of the Paris branch he keeps downing slugs of whiskey from his hip flask claiming that it is cough medicine. Spies are often portrayed as hard-living, hard drinking individuals, but this is off the Richter scale.

Just to put things in perspective, this film was made two years before Constantine and Goddard's seminal spy flick Alphaville, which also features the character Lemmy Caution. Alphaville and Your Turn Darling are truly at opposite ends of the spectrum. Alphaville is mind-blowing art, and Your Turn Darling is low-brow comedy. Don't get me wrong in thinking that Your Turn Darling is a bad film. It is fast paced and funny (in places), but it is a very different beast to Alphaville and those expecting a film of a similar style and calibre will be sadly disappointed.

As the film starts Olivia Brandt, an agent of the CIA enters the laboratory of scientist Elmer Whitaker. Whitaker has been retained by the US government to work on a solid rocket fuel formula. Inside, Olivia immediately rings her superior Colonel Willis, but before she can relay any important information the lights flicker on and she is shot. Offscreen he can hear the remonstrations of Whitaker as he is kidnapped by the evil-doers. And I'm sorry if this counts as a spoiler, but really a 2nd grader could work it out -- the fact that Whitaker's kidnapping happens off screen and can only be heard by Colonel Willis indicates all is not kosher with the kidnapping.

Later Willis is on the scene and the laboratory has been trashed. As far as he is concerned Whitaker has been kidnapped and must be found, and there is only one man to do the job -- it is the CIA's best man, Lemmy Caution. After some wisecracking and boozing, Lemmy gets down to business. The only real clue they find is a photograph of Whitaker's fiancee, Geraldine Monteveccio (Gaia Germani). She just happens to be a super model, which means that Lemmy has to investigate her as soon as possible.

Lemmy tracks Geraldine to he Rainbow apartments where she had been staying, but it appears that she paid her bill and checked out with a gentleman only hours before. Lemmy asks more about the gentleman concerened -- like if he mentioned his name. The lady behind the reception desk said that he did -- he called himself 'Lemmy Caution' and said he was taking Miss Monteveccio to Paris to be with her fiance.

Lemmy is on the next plane to Paris, and before the jet has even landed he is trying to score. During the flight he ingraiates himself on Valerie Pontiac, who is a beautiful blonde also heading to Paris. But Lemmy has ulterior motives for chatting up this girl -- apart from his fondness for attractive women. You see, despite the fact that she has had plastic surgery, Lemmy recognises her as Carletta Strasser (Christiane Minazzoli). Lemmy knows it is all a trap and a setup, but he is happy to keep playing the game.

The game has quite a few twists too. The first is his contact in Paris, Charles Grant (Philippe Lemaire). It appears that Grant isn't who he says he is either. He is in fact Henri Frenzetti the mastermind of the insidious kidnapping plot. Although Frenzetti is the alleged mastermind, as the story goes on his actions become more buffoonish, and his character moves from super villain to comic relief.

Then we have the beautiful Gaia Germani as Geraldine Monteveccio. Because Geraldine was fooled by an impostor, she refuses to believe that Lemmy is in fact the real 'Lemmy Caution', which means that during her scenes with him, she is 'feisty' to the point of ridiculousness.

The film ends with a bizarre fight at a dairy where each of the characters gets covered in fermenting cheese and milk. It doesn't quite sink down to the level of a cream pie fight but it is getting close. Your Turn Darling is a passable time killer, not much more, but Eddie Constantine does have a distinct screen presence, and it is his presence alone that keeps this film moving along nicely.

Passport to Hell (1965)

Country: Italy / France / Spain
Director: Simon Sterling (Sergio Sollima)
Starring: Giorgio Ardisson, Barbara Simons, Jose Marco, Georges Riviere, Seyna Seyn
Music: Piero Umiliani

Passport to Hell is in some ways a hard Eurospy film to review. This is primarily because it is pretty good. It eschews all the silly secret ray-gun weapon and underground lair tropes of the genre (which I love, by the way), and replaces them with a half decent spy story, which relies on cause-and-effect, rather than happenstance.

The film opens with a scared girl running down the road dressed in an overcoat. She runs into a tunnel, as a car comes from the opposite direction. Seeing that the girl is distressed, the driver stops and offers assistance. She says that men came to her house and tried to kill her -- she escaped through a bathroom window. The driver offers to drive her to safety. Just as the girl thinks she is in the clear, the driver produces a pistol and shoots her. He then searches her dead body -- well the overcoat really, but you know what I mean -- and finds a microfilm.

Then the goons who were chasing her arrive, and screech to a halt in their vehicle. As they get out, they are reprimanded by the first driver for being clumsy idiots. It appears that these goons belong to a freelance spy organisation called 'The Organisation'. The young girl was a CIA agent.

The film then cuts to the Soviet Embassy, and the CIA Chief, Taylor (Tom Felleghy) arrives to meet with Russian Colonel Dolukin (Fernando Sancho). Dolukin insists that it wasn't his team that killed the girl, and proposes an uneasy truce between the Cold Warriors to investigate The Organisation. The man chosen to head the mission is Walter Ross (Georgio Ardisson), who is Agent 3S3 -- a designation that means he is secret agent number three, of the third special division. It appears that they have one lead, and that is that they know who the top man in The Organisation is -- that being Henryk d'Vorac. They don't know where d'Vorac is, but they know his daughter, Jasmine (Barabra Simons) is. She is in Vienna, Austria, so that's where Ross starts his investigation.

Ross get's a pretty hot reception in Vienna. The Organisation has operatives watching Jasmine, and assigned to remove Ross. They attempt this with a finely executed Truck sandwich maneuver as Ross drives on some snowy backroads. There attempt fails, and a directive from the top comes down that now do they not only have to eliminate Ross, but Jasmine is to be killed too. As Jasmine's father is the head of The Organisation, that sure is some 'tough love'!

Of course, Ross doesn't allow any misfortune to happen to Jasmine and the pair team up to find out what is really going on. This leads the couple to Beirut in Lebanon and into a whole new world of trouble.

Like many Eurospy films, Passort to Hell didn't have an inexhaustible budget. And as such, when director Sergio Sollima was making the film he was faced with two options. The first was to go cheap on the setup of the story, and then throw all the money into the wham-bam climax. Or he could evenly disperse the money over the duration of the film. And that second option is what he appears to have done. The film is even throughout its running time. There is no silly, explosive finale. The film remains at the same pitch. Which for the learned film student is pretty good. As I said at the top, Passport to Hell is a fine film. But somehow a part of me craves the silly Eurospy tropes. I want to see underground lairs with armies of minions dressed in silver jump-suits with scorpion emblems on the back. I want to see rockets or laser cannons aimed at Washington or London. It is most likely a Pavlovian expectation I get when I sit to watch a Eurospy film - I expect spy-schlock, not LeCarre!

All in all, Passport to Hell is a good film, and of the hundreds of Eurospy films that were made in the sixties, it is possibly one of the best, buoyed by the sincerity of Ardisson's performance and a script that refuses to collapse into goofy genre conventions.

Marie Chantal contre Dr. Kha (1965)

AKA: Blue Panther
Country: France, Spain, Italy, Morocco
Director: Claude Chabrol
Starring: Marie Laforêt, Francisco Rabal, Roger Hanin, Serge Reggiani, Charles Denner, Akim Tamiroff
Music: Michel Colombier, Gregorio García Segura, Pierre Jansen

French film director, Claude Chabrol is credited with starting the "nouvelle vague" French film movement (or the French New Wave as it commonly called). Prior to his first film, in 1957, Chabrol co-wrote 'Hitchcock' with Éric Rohmer. The next year, Chabrol made his feature directorial debut with Le Beau Serge (1958), a Hitchcock-influenced thriller. Chabrol's Le Beau Serge (1958) is often cited as the first New Wave feature. This was followed by Truffaut's The 400 Blows in 1959 and Godard's À bout de souffle (Breathless) in 1960.

The thing that is important here though, is how Chabrol (and other New Wave directors) worshiped Hitchcock, because, despite Bondmania sweeping the world, Marie Chantal contre Dr. Kha is an affectionate reworking of The Man Who Knew Too Much -- predominantly the 1956 version with James Stewart and Doris Day -- although if you suggested that the scenes in the Swiss Alps owe more than a little to the original 1934 version with Peter Lorre, I would not argue with you. Or in this case the film may be called The Woman Who Knew Too Much, (but Mario Bava already used that title) and that woman is Marie Chantal.

The film opens on a train and many people are having a meal in the dining carriage. One such man is Dumont, who is an uncouth slob with glasses and a comb over. After his meal he down a good glass of brandy and lurches back to his compartment. His compartment is a four-berth room, and inside are three other travellers. Two of these men are young and they are practicing card tricks as a way to relieve the boredom of the long train trip. The other passenger on the bunk below Dumont's is Bruno Kerrien (Roger Hanin - you may remember Hanin as the star of Chabrol's two Le Tigre films). The two card players get bored with their card game and leave to get coffee. This leaves Dumont and Kerrien alone, but Dumont has already passed out. Kerrien silently gets out of his bunk, produces an icepick and stabs Dumont in the heart. Then he retrieves a blue panther pendant from around the dead man's neck.

Kerrien then leaves the compartment and heads to the dining car. There he is seated at the same table as Marie Chantal (Marie Laforêt) and her cousin, Hubert de Ronsac (Pierre-Francois Moro). It seems that all three of them are travelling to the same destination which is Verbois in Switzerland and staying at the 'Hotel des Neiges'. After the meal Hubert excuses himself because he is tired, leaving Marie in the company of Kerrien. At this point he asks a favour of her, but says he cannot explain why. He has a piece of jewellery -- a blue panther with ruby eyes -- which he wants her to take and hide upon her person. He will ask for it back in a day or so, once they are in Verbois. He then says that it is a matter of life and death. Marie reluctantly agrees to take the piece.

Once is Verbois the cast of characters is added to and fleshed out. First Marie meets Paco Castillo (Francisco Rabal), the square-jawed hero of the piece. He claims to be a reporter investigating an international spy ring. Then there is Mister Johnson (Charles Denner), who is the attache to the US Embassy in Morocco. In fact though, Johnson actually works for Dr. Kha (Akim Tamiroff). Dr. Kha is a super-villain of the highest order and has operative's everywhere. Then there is a father and son team of Russian agents. This is given a twist in that the son, Gregor, who appears to be only twelve years old, is the brains of the duo, and the father, Ivanov, is the brawn.

Later Kerrien arranges to meet Marie at a nightclub so he can reclaim the panther. But prior to this, as Kerrien is on a chairlift, he is killed by a blow dart fired out of a ski-pole. Kerrien falls to the snow below. Marie just happens to be the first on the scene, and with his dying words, he says to only give the panther to Ali Kadour - and beware of Dr. Kha.


Ali Kadour happens to live in Agadir in Morocco, so that where Maire and Hubert head next, but followed by the entire cadre of spy characters who are all secretly after the blue panther.At the top I suggested this film is similar to Hitchcock's The Man Who Knew Too Much, and the initial setup is very similar. In Hitchcock's film, the characters meet on a bus rather than a train. And in both film's the heroes (or in this case heroine) are given some secret information by a dying spy.

Marie Chantal Vs Dr. Kha is a very enjoyable film, but perhaps a tad to long with the final plot twist and thread coming so late in the story its importance is negated. This happens to be the titular showdown between Marie Chantal and Dr. Kha. But the other characters have been quite entertaining in their offbeat way up to this point, so even if the final confrontation doesn't live up the billing and knock your socks off, you wont come away disappointed.

Farz (1967)

Country: India.
Director: Ravee Kant Nagaich
Starring: Jeetendra, Babita Kapoor, Aruna Irani, Kanchana, Sajjan, Agha, Manohar Deepak, Mukri, Mohan Choti, V.D. Puranik.
Music: Laxmikant-Pyarelal
Lyrics: Anand Bakshi
Choreography: I. Hiralal

Although Farz was among the first Bollywood attempts at making a Bondian spy flick, it was in fact a remake of a Tollywood film called Goodachari 116 (1967). For the un-initiated 'Tollywood' can mean two things -- either the Telugu-language film industry based in the state of Andhra Pradesh or a film from the the Bengali-language film industry based in Tollygunge of South Kolkata in the state of West Bengal. In this instance I am referring to a film in the Telugu language films. Goodachari 116 starred Krishna Ghattamaneni, or 'Super Star' Krishna as he was known. Krishna would later star in James Bond 777, which sort of makes him the leading contender for the title 'Tollywood Bond'. But if Krishna was 'Tollywood Bond', then Jeetendra certainly worked hard at cultivating the title 'Bollywood Bond'. Remembering that Farz was made in '67, eighteen years later (in '85), Jeetendra was still having a crack at the Bollywood Bond style movie, appearing in Bond 303.

Farz opens at a Dam, and three hairy terrorist types pull up in their beaten up car, and park some distance away. One of them sneaks past security and takes care of the sentry with a garotte wire. The two other terrorists start planting some explosives, and connect it all on a long cable back to a detonator/plunger back at the car.

What these bad-ass infiltrators don't know is that Agent 211081 is on the case. Dressed in a classic grey suit, and sporting sensible, neatly trimmed hair, he casually disarms the explosives and then with a miniature camera -- which by today's high tech standards is not very small -- he photographs the bad guys and the numberplate of the getaway car.

The bad guys push the plunger, and much to their surprise the dam does not blow up. Confused, quickly they flee and report back to their boss. Of course, like any incompetent minions, they get slapped around a bit, and then sent back out -- this time their mission is to kill Agent 211081.
When we next see 211081 he is arriving home where his sister has been waiting. He apologises for being late, explaining that he had his duty to perform. I could be wrong here, but I think 'Farz' translates as 'Duty'. Outside the bad guys have tracked 211081 to his home and set about planting a bomb in his car.

Next 211081 gets a telephone call from Indian 'M' to report to headquarters. Our hero grabs his jacket and heads out to his car. Now the bomb is not one of those turn-the-key, and then 'BOOM' ones. This is a start the engine, which starts the timer type of bombs, so 211081 starts the engine and drives off with the bad guys following behind, waiting for and watching their handiwork.
Agent 211081, in his rear vision mirror, realises that he is being followed and suspects something sinister is going on. He veers off the highway and heads down a dead end road. He gets out of the car in just the nick-of-time, as the vehicle blows up. Then the bad guys turn up and a gunfight breaks out. Our hero is not much of a marksman and keeps missing the bad guys. They close in, encircling our hero. Finally, 211081 runs out of bullets and decides to leg it. Outnumbered and surrounded, he is shot in the stomach, but even then he refuses to give up and keeps moving through the trees towards the road. At the roadside, he flags down a passing motorist. The lady behind the wheel gets out of the car holding a flashlight - even though it is daylight. Why? Because she is a villainess and the flashlight really conceals a pop-out blade. She plunges the blade into Agent 211081 and he falls to the ground dead. It appears that Agent 211081 wasn't the hero of the film after all. And that flashlight scene appears to have been directly lifted from the EuroSpy film, Mission Bloody Mary. The flashlight tricked is used a little later on in the film too, but then it's night, so it makes a little more sense.

Finally we meet the hero of the film, Gopal, Agent 116 (Jeetendra) and he reports to Indian 'M', where he recieves his mission briefing, which as you have no doubt guessed is to replace Agent 211081. One little observation about Indian 'M' -- by the way his office is decorated it is fair to assume that the man has an obseession with geography and cartography. Behind his desk he has a giant map of India which covers most of the back wall. On the wall to the left of screen there is a large map of the world, and then in the foreground, sitting on his desk is a globe.

Now this is where the film starts, and to be honest, it gets pretty confusing very quickly. This is because there is not too much spying going on, and a lot of heavy family relationship drama going on. Firstly it seems like Gopal has fallen in love with a girl named Sarita (Babika). The thing is that Sarita's father happens to be head villain. Now there is a lot of suspicion going on here. Is Gopal using Sarita to get to her father. Or is the father using Sarita to get to Gopal. I must admit, I don't know.

As an adjunct here, just two little observations based on my limited Bollywood viewing. Firstly the head villain is always referred to as 'Boss'. And secondly, there are always two Bosses. There is the first Boss, who you are supposed to think is the evil mastermind because he is giving all the orders -- but half way through the film, as the hero closes in -- it is revealed that this first Boss is just an underling to an even bigger and more evil second Boss. Now the way you tell these two Bosses apart is their appearance. First Boss will look normal. He looks like a businessman, albeit and evil business man. The second 'Head Boss' - the evil mastermind - will look weird. He will have an eyepatch, or a scar, or even just a downright ugly head.

To complete his assignment, Gopal happens to be given two comic relief sidekicks. One of them is like Lou Costello but with caterpillars for eyebrows, and the other is like Jerry Lewis in Nutty Professor mode. These guys, even without being able to understand the language, are just painful and they get way too much screen time. Gopal just seems to sit back whenever they are on screen and watch their performance with a gormless smile on his dial.

After quite a bit of mundane spying which does very little to advance the story, Boss' number one henchwoman seduces Gopal with a sweaty dance routine. I don't mean sweaty, as in watching the routine you'll break out in a sweat because the dance is so hot - no, the dancer actually has large sweat stains on her back and under her arm pits, which are very noticaeable on the tight fitting orange ensemble that she is wearing. After the dance, she puts a pill in Gopal's drink. He pretends to drink it (pouring it into a pot plant) and then pretends to pass out.

The bad guys send a fake ambulance to collect Gopal, but as this phony ambulance team are carrying Gopal's body out to the vehicle, Sarita turns up at his apartment. Seeing her love unconscious, she demands to travel in the ambulance with him. She is allowed to. Gopal is shunted into the back and driven away and pretty soon, as they head out of town, it becomes apparent that they are not taking him to the nearest hospital.

Gopal is in fact taken to a secret cave lair in the forest. Sarita is taken as a prisoner too -- despite her father's position in the evil organisation. All ends well though, because Gopal is only playing possum and shoots up the place and rescues Sarita.

There's still plenty of action (I use the word loosely) and twists to come in the story, but I'll leave my feeble synopsis there. All-in-all, I found Farz to be rather flat, and even when there is a good sequence, the material leading up to it and after it are of little consequence. For those who are interested in the musical numbers, well they may be of some merit. There is some nice choreography that integrates traditional Indian moves with 'the twist', and during Sarita's birthday sequence, Jeetendra proves that while he may not be a bone crunching Connery type, he is a passable pelvis grinding Elvis clone.

If you are like me, and taking your first tentative steps towards an understanding of Bollywood films, then I'd suggest Farz is not the film for you. Its pacing and attempts at comedy are quite a hurdle, especially when you're juggling comprehension with poor picture quality and sound. But having said all that, from a historical point-of-view, it's a film that may well be worth revisiting once I am more battle-hardened and my knowledge and understanding of Bollywood films has grown.

I wasn't able to get any screencaps of the VCD set used for this review, so I have borrowed some shots from Keith's Teleport City review. To read Keith's review, click here.

Puraskar: CID Agent (1970)

Country: India
Director: Ram Kumar
Starring: Joy Mukerji, Sapana, Helen, I.S. Johar, Abhi Bhattacharya, Farida Jalal, Ram Kumar
Music: Rahul Dev Burman
Lyrics: S.H. Bihari
Choreography: Kamal, Surya Kumar

My excursion into the world of the Bollywood spy film has only just begun -- at this stage having only watched a handful of films -- but so far, and this is bound to change as my knowledge and viewing grows, I would say that Puraskar is my favourite Bollywood spy film. It is fast paced and it's fairly original -- the only Bond affectation is that the head villain continually holds a cat (it's not even a white cat). The story is almost decipherable to those who don't speak a lick of Hindi. The nightclub based musical interludes are pretty cool too. But most importantly of all, the film has scorpions and a finale in which the villain's lair blows up.

The film opens with the villain of the piece, who is simply referred to as 'Boss', watching as a woman madly flees from a house. In terror, she gets into a car and drives off at speed - excessive speed. She is driving so fast she cannot control the car and starts swerving across the road. This comes to an end when she crashes through a stone barrier and drives off a cliff. Now how do we know that the man watching must be a villain. Well he is dressed in a hat and wearing sunglasses. Furthermore he is wearing 'weird' red gloves and is stroking a cat which he cradles under his arm. If that isn't visual shorthand for 'villain', I don't know what is.

After this woman's death (which is explained via flashback later in the film), the CID assign their two best agents to the mission. Their gun agent is Rakesh (Joy Mukerji). Actually as the film plays out Rakesh isn't much of a hero. He is clumsy in the fight scenes and has a dreadful dress sense, outfitted in a range of striped shirts which would be more befitting a member of a barbershop quartet rather than a gun secret agent. Anyway, despite my misgivings, Rakesh is the man! His sidekick -- and sometimes comic relief -- is Sumesh (I.S. Johar).

Meanwhile Professor Das (Abhi Bhattacharya) has invented a new top secret weapon that uses sound waves to destroy its targets. As Professor Das is a good guy, we can only assume that he invented this weapon as some kind of deterrent to war. Das gives a demonstration of his new weapon which is broadcast on television. One viewer happens to be 'Boss' who is ensconced in his top secret underground lair. And quite a spectacular lair it is too, with flashing lights, oscilloscopes, and many machines that go 'ping' and 'whir' in the background. He also has a healthy supply of odious minions who wear red skivvies.

'Boss' is pretty impressed with Professor Das' new weapon and naturally wants to obtain it for his own nefarious purposes. To this end he sends a team of henchmen to the Professor's home. They knock out the Professor and take him to their car. But they cannot leave without the plans which are locked in the safe. One minion is left behind to open the safe, but who should turn up as he is trying to open it. Yes, it's our striped shirted hero, Rakesh. He captures the minion and is about to make him talk, when from the doorway another minion shoots his accomplice to stop him from spilling the beans. I don't know why he didn't just shoot Rakesh? I guess it would have been a short film? Anyway Rakesh rushes off after the shooter, but the gunshot has awoken Professor Das' hot looking daughter, Renu (Sapana). She rushes downstairs and crashes into our hero. They stare into each others eyes for a second -- there's some chemistry there -- then he pushes her to the side and continues his pursuit of the villains. Naturally, Renu thinks that Rakesh is one of the kidnappers. When the characters meet later in the film, there's quite a bit of hostility to overcome, before she accepts him as a good guy. In fact, she shoots him - I don't know how much more hostile can you get? But, of course, we know these two will get together by the end of the film.

Meanwhile Professor Das is taken to the villain's lair where he is met by his identical twin brother. His brother, however, is not a prisoner. He is out for his own financial betterment and wants to sell his scientific brother's secrets. When Das wont hand over his secrets (or the combination to the safe), the evil brother choses to step into his brother's shoes and return to the house in an attempt to break into the safe and get the information.

The first thirty minutes of this film are good spy action and pretty easy to follow -- even without understanding the language. But then as so often happens in Bollywood films, the family drama element enters the story and this is where it lost me. There's some plot thread about a young couple Kumar and Reshma, and somehow Kumar is blackmailed by the 'Boss'. It all seemed rather sad, but I had no idea what was really happening. Still, there's plenty of spyjinx ahead.

I am pleased to report that while the shadow of James Bond looms large over many spy films, this film is its own beast. Sure it displays many of the espionage genre's tropes; ie. scientist develops deadly weapon and is kidnapped / scientist also has hot looking daughter who helps secret agent with the mission etc., but it doesn't stoop to wholesale recreations of Bondian setpieces (such as Farz and Surakksha). Seen in that light, Puraskar is a worthy, if somewhat cheesy, companion to many Eurospy films of the sixties -- albeit with musical interludes.

Speaking of musical interludes, Puraskar has four of them. Two are filmed outside, with spectacular mountain ranges as a backdrop. Despite the beauty of the landscape, I must say I found these musical numbers prety cold. However, the two musical numbers set in a nightclub, are temperature-raising showstoppers. In the first of these, the performer is wearing a silver conical bra -- remember this is a good 20-25 years before Maddonna would iconically project herself into the anals of popular culture wearing such as device. I know I am sounding like a randy old pervert once again, but if a man can't watch a scantily clad dancer perform in the comfort of his own home, then what is the world coming to?



I realise Puraskar: CID Agent is not for everyone. As far as I am aware, there currently isn't a subtitled version available. Also the film is pretty cheap. I mean for the final battle, the characters run around with rubber machine guns. The only reason you can tell that they are being fired is the noise on the soundtrack. There is no smoke or spark from the muzzle and there certainly aren't any squibs or bullet explosions on the set. Also, when I said that the villain's lair is spectacular, I meant it, but probably no more spectacular than your neighbour's house at Christmas time. Some of the flashing lights on the walls are only chains of Christmas lights stuck on. The film is cheap, but thankfully I am a sucker for alternating red and blue lighting. Nothing saying 'hi-tech' villains lair like a red or blue light bulb. Try it at home! Next time you are watching a spy film, change your regular light bulb for a blue one, and magically you'll find yourself ensconced in a villain's lair as you watch. This is true immersive cinema people!

So I am a sucker for trash cinema. I am a sucker for trash spy cinema with scantily clad dancing girls, but try not to hold that against me. In the end, Puraskar may not be a film that you will want to seek out, but is sure as hell made me happy!